Diary of a Red Man: The Ginger Red Man

Sitting in the back of a Bangkok taxi, my little daughter decides to entertain me with her latest sing-song.

“Run, run, run as fast as you can;
You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!”

She then looks at me and says, “Daddy, you are the Ginger Red Man!”
That girl needs an agent. She looks pleased with her little pun and launches into a reprise:

“Run, run, run as fast as you can;
You can't catch me, I'm the Ginger Red Man!”

She laughs and gives me a big hug, then looks down at my exfoliating zombie hand, “I like red!” She could charm the skin off a snake.

Now, I knew that this was originally a long song but, try as I might, was unable to dredge up such an esoteric and banal memory. After a bit of strenuous research, here is a modern adaptation of the story.

There was once a little old man and a little old woman, who lived in a little old house in the edge of a wood. They would have been a very happy old couple but for one thing: they had no little child, and they wished for one very much. One day, when the little old woman was baking gingerbread, she cut a cake in the shape of a little boy, and put it into the oven.

Presently she went to the oven to see if it was baked. As soon as the oven door was opened, the little gingerbread boy jumped out, and began to run away as fast as he could go.

The little old woman called her husband, and they both ran after him. But they could not catch him. And soon the gingerbread boy came to a barn full of threshers. He called out to them as he went by, saying:

“I've run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
And I can run away from you, I can!
Run, run, run as fast as you can;
You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!”

The annoying little ingrate continued to pester the local simpletons and the gullible farm animals, taunting them with his silly little song. But he was right, he was quick. With his pursuers trailling a fair distance behind, the gingerbread boy eventually came across a fox.

“I've run away from a little old woman,
A little old man,
And I can . . .”

“Yes, I know.” interjected the fox. “Looks like thirsty work to me. Here’s a little drink to help keep your speed up. You see, if you keep those dumb animals running they will be exhausted soon and easy prey for my supper.” The gingerbread boy thought this was a great idea and gulped down the drink. The other animals were getting close enough to bait again.

“Run, run, run as fast as you can;
You can't ...”

The gingerbread boy suddenly looked down at himself in horror. "Oh dear! I'm a quarter red!" And then, "Oh, I'm half red!" And soon, "I'm three-quarters red!" The gingerbread boy was having a serious allergic reaction to the fox’s potion, finally saying, "I'm all red!"

Sensing he was in danger of being caught the gingerbread boy yelled:

“Run, run, run as fast as you can;
You can't catch me, I'm the Ginger Red Man!”

He promptly fell over, just like a limp soggy biscuit would do. The fox lapped him up and scarpered.

With thanks to The Annotated Gingerbread Man by Sur La Lune Fairy Tales